summer thoughts

Summer means finally getting to be with friends, but it also means finally getting to be alone.  Weirdly enough, I like to be alone, and I don’t think I get enough time by myself during school.  Don't get me wrong--I love being around people, and I have great friends, but sometimes I just need to go off on my own and think.  Anyway, summer is the only time I really have to be alone: no obligations, nobody asking me to do things, no distractions, no homework.  I can disappear for a few hours and come back like it's no big deal.  And I think it makes me enjoy the time I spend with other people even more.  Sometimes my days and nights spent alone are the ones I remember best.  And the ones I miss the most.

I want to sit outside and look up at the moon and stars.  I wanna lay in the cool grass and stare up at the giant sky and feel tiny.  I like those nights when it looks like the world is in a big glass ball and the sky is just a dark blanket covering it.  But there are tiny little holes in the blanket where some light gets through.  And the stars are the tiny pinpricks of light shining through.  And I would feel so little compared to the vastness of space.  And maybe I would fall asleep there in the grass; one person in the middle of an open field under an open sky.  It makes me feel really small and insignificant, but at the same time,  being all alone makes me feel important.  I'm the only human around as far as the eye can see and it feels like a big deal.

I want to sit on my tire swing and put my ipod speakers in the grass next to me, and play all the music that brings back the best memories.  I would reach out with my legs and push myself against the giant tree like I always do.  It's only way I can gain any momentum to start swinging because there's no one there to push me, and the swing is high enough that my feet don't reach the ground.  It makes me feel like a little kid again.  And then I would just sit there and swing for hours, singing the whole time.  I sing along with my music, but then I turn it off and make up my own songs, singing my feelings out to God and everyone in earshot.  Eventually it gets too cold and I have to go in.  But I would stay out there forever if I could.

I want to go on a bike ride with my ipod on and my phone off.  I like to just ride without knowing where I'm going.  I like to take random roads just to see where they go, then try to find my way back on my own.  I get bonus points if I go home a different way than I came.  Since the ride has no purpose, I'm free to stop whenever I want.  I stop to pet horses when the fence comes close enough to the road.  I stop to discover new things in places I haven't been before: a little park, a walking path, or even just a road I've never seen before.  Sometimes, I'm overcome by the beauty of everything around me, and have to stop to take it all in.  Sometimes I end up finding a new way to get somewhere, or a shortcut, or a back road that nobody knows about.  And sometimes I get lost and have to call my parents to come pick me up.  But that's okay, because getting lost is kind of the point. 

I want to go to the beach and take a walk by myself.  Preferably in the morning, when nobody else is there.  I can walk along right where the waves hit the sand, so my footprints are washed away seconds after they are made.  It looks like I was never even there in the first place; the world has erased all evidence of me.  Being the only person on the beach makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world.  And it makes me wonder what Adam and Eve felt like.  To know that they were the first people to ever lay eyes on the world.  To take a step and think wow, that was the first time that this piece of ground has ever been stepped on before.  Or to take a breath, and realize that that air has never been inhaled by someone until now.  And so I'll just be there for hours, feeling the sand squish beneath my bare feet and wondering if this is what it feels like to be the first human to walk the earth.

I want to sit on my porch and watch the sunset.  I love watching the sky transition from light blue to orange to pink to purple to dark blue to dark of night.  It's so breath-taking and beautiful and special-looking, but most people don’t take the time to watch sunsets on a regular basis.  Maybe it's because they happen everyday, so people take it for granted.  And I can't help but think about how much God blessed us by making this world so beautiful.  And we take it for granted.  But He's blessed me in so many other ways too.  There's tons of blessings that I didn't even realize I had until this year.  And I start thinking about all those things I'm thankful for one by one.  And I could go on and on forever, but the sun has already set, the night is setting in, and the stars are slowly appearing.  But I don't want this to end.  So I decide to go out on the grass, lie down, and look up at up at the sky.